Hey Beautiful souls. It has been a roller coaster as of late. April is filled with joy and pain.
This month would of marked two years or marriage with my husband. To commemorate that and to get clarity in my life I went to Hawaii. Absolutely gorgeous place. That was a huge step for me. One that I desperately needed.
April 1st was the day I started the rest of my life. Unfortunately the universe had other plans. Took my heart without a second thought. My heart is resting in a peaceful spot that I visit often. I am now on the journey of rebuilding a new heart piece by piece. It's hard. I will have hurdles but I know for who comes my way will understand this huge undertaking.
Today I woke up in sheer panic. Non-stop crying. World crumbling. Until I had a comfort. I am still broken but again piece by piece. step by step with an understanding and appreciation for those in my life. Those or who comfort me. Speaks volumes to their character. This is not easy by any means. You would think "hey, you're close to the year mark! Surly things are easy! You'll get over it". NO! Not in the slightest. However, I am managing better. I have better ways of coping. Hopeful for the future. Still, he is my guiding light on to a new endeavor with love surrounding me every step of the way.
I know things will not be easy but they will get lighter. Bit by bit.
While In Hawaii I was able to spend much needed sister time. We were both in desperate need of each other in that moment. We were going through hurdles. Figuring out our lives. Clarity ensued. The fog was lifted and I could finally see clearly on the path that is laid before me. Love, live life, and prosperous. I've had my fair share of crippling anxiety ridden panic attacks while there, but they were quickly released by the comfort and love of my sister and the clarity. First instance was the day before our anniversary the Luau asked about anniversaries. Yep, that got me. I sat and cried in the bathroom stall. I came out and about fell when I saw my sister. She Knew. She was my guiding light. The next day our anniversary I woke up in dread watched our wedding video and let it all out. That night my sister took me to dinner. For that night I wore the pearls from our wedding and the last pair of shoes he bought me for my birthday. The dinner was beautiful and overlooking the ocean. That was difficult but amazing. I had to go through all of that. I needed too. So I could move forward. Not stay stuck. I know he wants to see my prosper in every way possible. So, I will not falter. I will not give into my despair. I will rise.
Today is hard and May will be even harder.
With the support and love that I have in my life I know I can get through it.
Not everyone is fortunate enough to have such support. Just know you are not alone. You have the strength to make it through. Do not feel like its a burden to reach out to those around you. And for those who have someone in their life that is hurting sometimes you have to be the one to reach out. Check on each other. Get through it together. Do not wallow. It's hard. Very fucking hard! Some how we will get through even if we are picking ourselves up piece by piece, bit by bit.
Our determination to get through this will triumph.
Today is hard.
Tomorrow will be better.
Little by little.
We got this.
'till next time the universe takes over.
